Can I be her?

You walked to me
Slowly, like the movies
Like James Dean,
My version

You talked to me
I listened to your stories
Amazed by how simple words
Meant so special to me

When lights went off
You kissed me,
Soft lips on me
Yes I remember, despite the bottles of alcohol
I swear I recall every bit of it

I know she's there all along
I wish I was her
Can I be her?
I thought every word you said
Were meant for me

Can I be her?
Can I be the one to put a smile on your lips?
I swear I will love your more than she loves you
I will be there, I will be there

Can I be her?
Can I rest my head on your chest?
I knew from the start
You never saw me
Can I be the one?
Can I be her?

Dotonbori

Take me back... 

Drowning and Sinking

I miss my old life, my old self.... I miss the days where I can leisurely spend my weekends on things that I enjoy the most. I admit, a tiny part of me is holding into my "what ifs" questions. What if I did not say yes to the offer? What if I waited a bit longer? What if I pursued my masters application? What if what if..? I am drowning. I am slowly sinking and choking to this life full of responsibilities and expectations. No one will save me. No one will dare to save me. 

Hello Hogwarts Castle! 

Captured using LG G4 manual settings

complicated machine

Have you ever had that experience where in you think that your brain has deleted some important memories of yours? I tend to forget a lot of things nowadays.. Or this might be the alcohol but the thing is I don't drink that often anymore. Or is my overthinking killing the neurons in my brain? I don't know. I just want to write this blog entry so at least I could remember that at one point in my life I have admitted that I tend to forget a lot. I'm having hard time remembering simple password and usernames. Yeah, I guess, I just have to take memory enhancer to keep my brain working... Oh life. My body is indeed a complicated machine...

Mend or Break - Me Before You

Me Before You - What can I say? I cried, my eyes were red and swollen. While waiting for the rolling of the credits to end, I'm anticipating, praying and hoping that a miracle would happen. That Will is alive and that he will marry Louisa and they will live happily ever after. Yes, I'm a sucker for happy ending. I haven't read the book nor read the synopsis that's why the movie brought me into a bit of shock... While trying to grasp everything that happened in the movie, questions started pouring in my mind... Was Louisa's love not enough to change his decision? Who gave Will the right to end his life (I'm a Christian, and I firmly believe that only God has the right to take away Will's life)? Did he (Will) really love Louisa? Did his acts justify his love and sacrifices for Louisa? I guess the answer to these questions can be some up by the lyrics of Ed Sheeran's song Photograph :

Loving can hurt
Loving can hurt sometimes
But it's the only thing that I know
When it gets hard
You know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive


Will decided to end his life because he loves his parents and Louisa. He doesn't want them to suffer with him. It's like letting go of all the struggles and burden. A big sacrifice for love indeed. But on the other hand, it's unfair and an act of selfishness. What about the sacrifices of his parents and also of Louisa? Or did Louisa came into the picture too late... The mother should have posted that job vacancy a year or 2 years earlier.. Maybe, just maybe the ending of the story would be different.. 
Maybe Will did the right decision or he made the wrong decision. Only he knows that.. As for Louisa, he will just be a memory - a beautiful and at the same time a very painful one... 
And yes, Ed Sheeran's Photograph is on repeat mode in my ipod... 

Me Before You broke my heart and had me doubt on love. Then again the ending is the nearest thing that might or may happen in reality. If I'm Louisa, to be honest I really don't know if I can still move on from this heart break... Love can either mend or break a person soul. 

When was the last time that I posted a blog?

When was the last time that I posted a blog?  Time flies so fast indeed. What had happened for the past 2 years of my life? Geez I can't even remember every details of it.

Two weeks ago, I celebrated my birthday at the airport, inside the plane, alone.  It was the loneliest birthday for me but nevertheless, I should be thankful because I am alive, I have a job (though stressful), I have friends and most especially I have family to lean on.

I am writing this entry so that I can at least have a post for the year 2016. What should I say? I'm trying to compose all my thoughts at the moment but it seems my mind is vague. Oh yes, I'm still single. It's funny because most of the taxi drivers would ask me if I'm married already or if I do have a family on my own. Do I really look that old? And when I tell them that I am still single, they would ask me "how come?". And I never get tired of telling them the old classic answer "I'm busy" even though I'm not. I don't even know why I'm single. Well most of my friends are single also so I don't bother. Maybe I haven't found my soul mate yet.

I need to stop here. I have to prepare for a big "test" . I cannot tell the details but everytime I remember this "test", I'm getting butterflies in my stomach. Nerve wrecking and mind blowing test!
I wanted to be calm but I can't!!! Worse is I drank a lot of coffee this breakfast so my anxiety is at its peak! Good luck to me!!!!

HAPPINESS

I never really do blogs about the things that happened on my birthday, but today was an exception. Because I shut off the birthday notification on my FB account, no one bothered to post birthday greetings/wishes on my timeline. I got my early birthday greeting from my father on v-day but it did not end well. We end up arguing with each other over petty things. Then later that evening, around 12 midnight, I got an FB message from Mitch. It was heartwarming and I was emotional after I read her message. Mitch's birthday also falls on the month of February and I can say I feel safe every time I pour my heart out to her.
It was just another ordinary 15th day of February for me. I was awaken by a call from my mother, but I chose to ignore it. After 1 hour of staring at my white wall, I decided to get off of bed to have breakfast. Mom called me again and this time I answered my phone. Well this day was a bit weird because my housemates were kind of distant towards me. I felt lost because they were so busy doing things of which I think was work related. I slept the whole day without even getting a single birthday message from anybody. My sister called me and we chatted for few minutes. I took a bath later in the afternoon and went out to get my laundry. I never really imagined that a SURPRISE was waiting for me. I'm just speechless! I never thought that these people whom I just met last year were planning to celebrate my birthday! No words can describe my happiness! I don't like extravagant gifts. I just want simple things and memories worth keeping!
I am not getting any younger! My experience in life probably has taught me to cherish memories because they just come once in a lifetime!

I found friendship in a strange place,  friends worth keeping!

FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART- ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU!

Date: February 15, 2014
Time: 1:26AM
Sender: Mitchel Olive Pascual

"Strong, wild, understanding and one-of-a-kind, these words are not enough to describe who you are dear Ren. Almost 9 years have passed since the first time we met. We met in an unlikely circumstance. I have to admit that even though we were classmates, I did not know and care about you until the day we decided to enter the sisterhood together and from there on until now, you are one of the most important persons in my life. I would still want to continue to be a part of your life from here on. I want to listen to your stories and just watch you talk about life and whatnot. The End. That was so un-me, if there is ever such a word/term, anyway Ren a Happy 20something Birthday! How are you? Love Life that I don’t know of?! Anything! Like what I’ve written a while ago, I miss listening to you. No one wants to talk to me anymore and tell their stories. Everyone’s already busy, which is normal at this age of life. By the way, you are OK! (If you are feeling bad about yourself that is.) I’ve been thinking what kind of letter I should write to you and until now I’ve yet to decide. I will just continue talking from here on, OK? You can’t really answer that, right? Profile Reneelou Solito Balaba Female (Active supporter of Equality for Men and Women, leaning to the Women superiority of course) 20something (Although, you act like a mother of a dozen at times, this may be one of the reason why you are called Mama Ren by many~ although I don’t.) Active (Not only talking about lifestyle, but at how you see life. You seem to be always moving forward. You like what you do which is something that I really admire about you. ) Daugther (Child of not only your parent but of God as well) Sister (A reliable sister who would always protect Rheza and those you care most about esp. the girls and the dogs) There are so much more to write, because as I have written, no words could flesh out Reneelou Solito Balaba. Ren’s Memory Corner Since memory is a fluctuating kind of concept, I’d like to write in here the most memorable things about my relationship with you. These, however, does not sum up all the things we’ve experienced together. The Slap-Paddle’s Pain-Admin Building Airport-Chemistry-Kristel June Sartagoda- Shouting Ren- Angry Ren- Sad Ren- Happy Ren- Ren Going To The Gym- Ren Singing- Ren Eating- Ren in the Hospital- Ren and Habal Habal- Dorm with Ren- Hugging Ren- Crying with Ren- Holding Ren’s Hands- Scared Ren- Sweet Ren-Studying Ren- Ren + Math- Reporting with Ren- Dancing Ren-Ren and the Sea Ren, if I haven’t told you before. I am glad to have met someone like you in my lifetime. I thanked the universe, the supreme being, UP and LLS for bringing us closer together. You are one of the people aside from my family, I’d love to see in my death bed (given that I plan to die before 50 years old). Ren, I love You! Have a blast this year!"

NODAME CANTABILE

"It's pointless to just envy other people's worlds.
I have to change my world myself."

- Sinichi Chiaki,

Nodame Cantabile

MISSING YOU

This is such a sad song. Urgh it hurts! My poor heart! Help!

"Let’s remember each other even as time goes onThat we had each other back then"

REPOST: "FRIDAY NIGHT"

friday night

Friday Night

(July 18, 2009)

I saw you, you looked at me

Our eyes meet, none of us speak

You just passed by me, I just let you go

You have your own life, I’ve got my own

Everyday seems gloomy

I’m hoping everyday that you would come

Standing in the corner where I met you

Patiently reminiscing your naive face

It was Friday night that you came

But you just stared at me from across the street

As I make my steps to you, you turn your back

I was left in the middle, raindrops started to fall that Friday night

I always sense your presence

I want to look deep into those brown eyes

I yearn to escape from this feeling

Yet I always find myself staying

Early morning I wait by the garden

Still wishing to see you

I’m drowning by the intensity

But you never came to save me

REPOST: "YOU" (JULY 5, 2009)

You

YOU

(7/5/09)

Though you shadow me with your love

I am still radiant

You look into my eyes

Like I am the only woman for you

Your embrace is caressing me

Your voice is like music to my ear

You treat me like diamonds

And put me in to pedestal

You said you were blessed

But it’s the other way around

You held your hand to mine

And keep whispering words I want to hear

You love me, and I love you

Witnessed by the stars above

You promised me the universe

Sadly, I haven’t found you yet

HAPPY VALENTINES!

“Love is a sweet tyranny, because the lover endures his torments willingly.” We all fall in love. No matter how silly the reasons are or how far we go for the person we fell in love with, the important thing is that we felt it!

A REPOST: How To Make Pizza

4, 2010 | Categories: Uncategorized | Leave A Comment » | Edit

Pizza made easy

Making your own pizza is really easy and fun thing to do! Well, I made my own pizza last month, just for an experiment. I did some research on how to make pizza crust that would fit to the pizza I’m planning to make. I wanted to make a chicken pizza stuffed with white cheese and quickmelt cheese. I opted not to use mozzarella  cheese because it’s way expensive and my aim is to create a recipe that can be compared to the pizza in any pizza parlors. Well, I wanted to share my recipe to everybody! I am, proud of what I have done with my pizza! I also did some random food tasting among people and their comments were all positive! It really made me proud! The kneading process of the dough was really difficult since I have to exert more force and pressure. Luckily, my friends (Mitch and Crisline) helped me! Thanks a lot guys! Listed below are the procedures and ingredients for my chicken pizza stuffed with white and quickmelt cheeses!

Chicken Toppings (Meat)

Ingredients

1 whole chicken

pepper

salt

Procedure:

1. Bring the chicken to boil.

2. Drain the water, then add again hot water on the boiled chicken in the casserole

3. Season the chicken and water with salt and pepper.

4. The chicken meat must be tender so that it would be easy to de-bone it.

Crust

Ingredients

2 1/2 tsp active yeast

2 cups warm water

4 cups sifted flour

2 tsp salt

1. Make sure the water is just warm enough, not too hot not too cold. (temp of warm water should be aroun 37C to activate the yeast)

2. Mix the yeast in the warm water then add salt.

3. Sift 4 cups of flour (all purpose) and place it in a clean mixing bowl

4. Combine the yeast solution to the flour and mix it together.

5. Using the bare hands, start kneading the dough to incorporate air. Knead until the flour is smooth and form it into a bowl. Don’t over knead the dough!

6. Put or cover the dough with warm cloth and set aside for two hours

while waiting for 2 hours, this is the time to make white cheese

White Cheese

Ingredients

full cream milk

thermo dial

1 cup vinegar

Procedure

1. Place the full cream milk into a vat.

2. Under slow flame, wait for the milk to reach 73C-75C with constant stirring using a wooden laddle

3. When the temperatur is 73C, slowly add vinger until curds would form or until milk coagulates.

4. DO NOT put too much vinegar on the milk because it  would affect the odor and out come of the cheese

5. Just put enough vinegar and estimate the amount of vinegar necessary to curd the milk. When I’m making white cheese, I just used aroung 1/4 cup of the vinagar.

6. Set aside the curd milk for 15 minutes.

7. Prepare the cheesecloth.

8. Filter the milk using the cheese cloth to separate the solid part from the water part.

9. Squeeze the solid part and make sure no too much water is carried by the curd

PIZZA

Ingredients

mushroom

bell peppers

white onions

quick melt cheese

white cheese

tomato sauce

1. From the dough that was created, make a crust out of it, using a rolling pin.

2. Start stuffing the side of the pizza with white cheese and quick melt cheese.

3. Spread the tomato sauce, then slowly place in the toppings

4. Place the toppings by layer.

5. Then after the preparation, bake the pizza at 400F or aroung 210C for 25 – 30 minutes.

Hello 2014!

Year 2013. I thought it was the end of me. I'm based in Bacolod City now and Davao is no longer my comfort zone. Definitely, 2013 has been a whirlwind of memories for me. Finally, I'm working in a new environment where no one recognizes me. This job that I have  gave me a new perspective in life. I never imagined I could do things on my own. Start everything from scratch, gain new friends from strangers, and even learn a new dialect! Despite my "always-complaining" side , I never really thought that I could be this happy and confident! Indeed moving out from my comfort zone gave me clarity! I may encounter things that I cannot change but I pray to God that He may always give me courage to bravely face the future ahead!! Cheers to 2014! I wonder where will fate lead me this year?! Exciting!

Black and white photos are always dramatic. The emotions conveyed by these pictures would greatly vary from one viewer to another. Though monochromatic and often times monotonous, these photos would always leave me in an ivory tower of emotions.

P.S.
I am not a professional photographer and I haven't taken any formal lesson about photography.  :)

"drum na may tubig ang sinisisid"

the song tackles about gender equality in the country. though the video highlights more on homosexuality and their struggles, in general the song emphasizes on the current gender statuesque. for me, this song is intended to the society who primarily discriminates by establishing choices on what to believe and how people should think. I find it very ironic that being a homosexual is viewed as a very disgraceful act than committing adultery and corruption. Is this how the society thinks nowadays? Do adultery and corruption more acceptable than homosexuality??

A line from the song caught my attention, which says

"Di sinusukat ang tapang at ang bigote sa mukha
Dahil kung minsan mas lalake pa sa lalake ang bakla "


(If a man has a mustache then it immediately equates to bravery? Some gay men are braver than those who portray themselves as strong men)- thanks Mitch for the translation ^_^ kekkee


quote to ponder:
I don't think homosexuality is a choice. Society forces you to think it's a choice, but in fact, it's in one's nature. The choice is whether one expresses one's nature truthfully or spends the rest of one's life lying about it.
Marlo Thomas

Just A Piece Of Cake

its now or never

I'm not in my teens but this song struck me! I should have been more crazy before! Yes I committed few mistakes and learned my lessons. But still something is missing!

a piece of advice:
LIFE IS SHORT,
LIVE WHILE WE'RE YOUNG!
LIVE LIKE WE ARE DYING!


check one direction's video below!